God is sooo goooood!! :). awesomely beautiful...that's what my God does for me... its like he give me brand new eyes... to see with freshly everyday, so i never get jaded, never get world weary... like i've said before! he gives me surety, even though...the future is so far and foggy to see, or feel! There are so many things in this world i wanna do!! I wanna teach children, to never loose the awe that they first came into the world with. To help adults find that awe again. To design works of beauty... to create sculptures that only BEGIN to show how GREAT my God is, and how he works in my life. To design clothes that make EVERYONE beautiful. regardless of how skinny, overweight, short or tall they are... To lead a church... to head worship, to being people to God, so that they can FEEL Him, and get to know and understand Him. To devote myself, to reading and understanding the Bible... To own a quiet little farm, away from the world which so often hurts... to shut out the white noise of traffic and people... To ride a horse on a green forever. To dive deep into the ocean and see the corals, growing in a time of their own, with life that i cannot see... to fall from the sky and swallow clouds whole! to dissolve into the earth and hear the rustle of growing roots, of earthworms digging, of seeds BEGINNING. i want so many many things... where will He put me? at these things, and so many other, i'd rather not be doing...like that time, when i was crossing lygon street, when i had a flash... of imagination? subconsious?i don't know...but i...i don't know WHAT it was. but all of a sudden, while walking, i FELT i was hit by the car. i felt it... and i saw it. its wierd. i could feel deadness on my legs. they felt like iron. and i couldn't move this...and i couldn't find my breather. and everything was silent. except for my breathe and the air, in out in my thoat, and the deadness in my heart that KNEW that i wouldn't be able to walk again.

I think that was a spiritual attack from the devil. i know i sound like a hick, to some of you who may be reading this. but. yes. i won't take that kind of metaphysical bull. i could be spending my life in terror and everything...but i've got HIM, and God, He keeps me sane. and i'll always have enough, and still want more! in that funny queer way that Jesus fills you with. i love you Lord.